Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
