I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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