The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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