I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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