i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
