her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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