Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
