I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
