what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
