The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
