my phone needs a breathalizer
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
