last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
