The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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