I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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