First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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