I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
