that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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