that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We're too hungover to prance.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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