she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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