I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
