why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
