So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
