You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
even my farts smell like vagina
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
