I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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