dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
