when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
