I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
