I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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