Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
they need to just BURY HIM!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
