Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
