Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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