So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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