I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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