I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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