community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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