Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
