wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
