I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
