Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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