Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
