apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
