It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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