I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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