So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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