I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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