hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
