At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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