I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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