she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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