Need sex. Gaining weight.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
