so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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