I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
