I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize