I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
