Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so let's talk penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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