Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hippo gnu deer
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
