Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
As shirtless as possible
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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