im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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