Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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