i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
