allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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