I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
