This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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