oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What a dumb baby whore.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
