just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
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I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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