She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
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I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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