I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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