Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
