Im at strip club and am horny
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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