I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
