"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
