we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
