I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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