matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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