why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have post one night stand depression
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