I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
