Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I AM VODKA MAN
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
