we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
