you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
