You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
