I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you had me at cake vodka
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
