The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize