A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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