I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
