i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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