Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You are the jesus of drinking
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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