You smell like a Billy Joel song
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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