9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
