What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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