As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
