so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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